Team Ninja is *not* affiliated

October 27, 2006

Art is unique. Almost anything can be considered art, and, as long as the content isn’t illegal, I support the creation of any such art. Offensive works can be art, but I believe there should be precautions. Art viewers should have some idea that what they are about to see might be considered offensive. More than anything, the viewers should not be mislead. A movie about creating pipe bombs should not be portrayed as a children’s film. A Sculpture exhibit shouldn’t be explained as an “active piece.”

Team Ninja broke this rule in their ludicrously sexist game, Dead or Alive Extreme 2. Let’s begins by explaining what the original Dead or Alive game is. DOA was created originally in arcades, but quickly ported to the X-Box. Gameplay consisted of some rather violent, but acceptable characters beating the crap out of each other a la Tekken.

Now take a look at the trailer for DOAX2:

What the hell is that?! Promoted as an extreme sports game, this is nothing short of cheap, Fox-style porno. Let’s now consider just how degrading this video is.

Every character has boobs the size of her head, boobs with disproportionate centers of gravity. These imaginary breasts move contrary to every law of physics I can imagine, including but not limited to gravity, kinematics, and the rotational laws. They move opposite each other. They move opposite the characters. Above all, they always move.

Unfortunately, I have no doubt that the ginormous boobs are more intelligent and have a better personality than the complete ditzes they are attached to. With the exception of one moment, all girls were giggling, randomly jumping, and playing with toys. I’ve seen three-year-olds with higher mental capabilities. Almost every girl held her arms at 75-degree angles to her body, most likely to keep from falling over. Ignoring all the sexual positions the characters mysteriously fall into, note the many cat fights that arise for no apparent reason.

Let’s not forget that there is but*one* non-white woman in the entire episode, and then for only a second. Arrrgh!

Do you see how shitty the hair, shadows, textures, and everything-that-isn’t-boob looks? What the hell is wrong with these people? Team ninja has nothing to do with the laziest ninja!



2 Responses to “Team Ninja is *not* affiliated”

  1. echo Says:

    Cool. Looks like they made that with Anim8or! would definitely argue that it’s almost porn- how could anyone not?
    And the hair. Could someone please take some attention placed on the boobs and focus it on the hair?

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